PS I'm Blogging About This: My (Imaginary) Career as a Stripper

PS I'm Writing About This is a column that will highlight some of the colorful conversations I have with friends, strangers and inanimate objects in my daily life...


Me: God I'm so broke, I should really start stripping on the weekends. 

Benjamin: Nobody would pay to see you strip.

Me: I resent that, if it wasn't for smart phones and the internet I would be on a pole right now.

Benjamin: You have Bambi legs, watching a girl fall off stage isn't hot.

Me: You're right, my balance does suck. But I could pull it off, make the stop drop and roll part of my routine...

Benjamin: You want to practice fire safety on stage?

Me: Duh, my routine would be so hot I'd set the club on fiiiiiire.

Benjamin: I'm done with you.

Me: PS I'm blogging about this...

The above is a conversation I recently had where I had casually mentioned my imaginary career as a stripper. Every struggling college girl has thought about it at least once, if you haven't you're not working hard enough. Nobody really needs a reason to create a fantasy life as a stripper, basically the only requirements are a craving for attention and stage worthy name. Being the overachiever I am, I have two stage names. 

If for some reason this whole college thing didn't work out and I had to take to the pole I would have to choose between being known as Morris Alexander or Anastasia Beaverhausen, both excellent names, both ooze sophistication. (At least in my mind.) There's a really simple way to figure out what your stripper name would be, just take the name of your first pet and pair it with the name of the street you grew up on! 

To prove how full proof the formula is I tested it on my roommate. Turns out her stripper name would be Chocolate Lilac. It's brilliant and works for a thousand reasons, mostly because she's African American and it's perfect coincidence. The formula is full proof.

If you ever mention an imaginary career as a stripper to anyone they'll act like you're either insane or want to hear your reasons. Have your reasons ready, if you cant think of any, you can borrow mine:

  1. I would always have cash on me, saving me a ton of money on ATM fees. 
  2. The chance to meet Olivia Benson. My career is all made up, so I might as well assume she's a living, breathing person. 
  3. An excuse to dance to Beyonce. As if anyone needs a reason
  4. I can use the income to pay off my student loans.
  5. A career as a stripper would mean I wouldn't be living with loan debt in the first place. 
  6. There's only two types of people in the world, the ones that entertain and the ones that observe**

Last step to creating a (fake) career as a stripper is to figure out who is your target audience. I personally would only strip for governors, some state senators and pro-athletes. No offense if you wanna dance for the average Joe, but I rather have the chance of being part of a scandal, maybe then I'd finally get my own TV series.

Feel free to comment below what your stripper name would be!

*shameless Britney Spears reference

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