7 Resolutions Everyone Around You Needs to Make


So many people make New Year’s Resolutions based on their perceptions of themselves. It’s the norm to turn to friends when needing advice on relationships or important life decisions, so why aren’t friend’s opinions also factored in while making resolutions for the new year?

My first week back from winter break I walked back to my apartment after a not so long day and did what any normal 21 year old would do, opened up my laptop and vowed to not put on pants until the next day. All I wanted after having to discuss feminist theory for three hours was to scroll through my Tumblr dashboard while an episode of Spongebob quietly played in the background.

What I got instead were my upstairs neighbors deciding they were going to start doing whatever it is they do that makes the walls of my apartment shake, rattle and release dust. I proceeded to call them beasts and try to ignore the fact that asbestos was raining from the ceiling. Not an exaggeration, I had to sign a waiver saying I wouldn't sue in case I become deathly ill.

I understand it's a free country and my neighbors could care less that their banging interrupts my nap sessions, but just maybe this article will find them. Below are resolutions everyone around us needs to make to help make 2014 a bit more bearable:

1. Neighbors: To not be so damn loud. Whether this means not stomping like a wildebeest at 1 AM or not playing their music to the point that I know all the lyrics to the song too.  
2. Friends: Don’t shove your new healthy habits in my face. I don't want to do yoga with you, it bores me and my forehead is too small to wear my hair in a ponytail. Once this phase is over text me so we can go grab some froyo. 
3. Parents: Don’t automatically assume I’m lying dead in a gutter if I don’t return your call the same day. I probably just forgot, if two days pass by, send out an Amber Alert. Any selfie I posted on Instagram is an approved photo for any missing person posters. 
4. Roommates: February means all my favorite shows will be returning from their mid-season finales. If American Horror Story is on, don’t speak to me! If I’m screaming bloody murder on a Sunday night, I’m fine, Walking Dead is just making me feel things. 
5. Anyone on the road: I’m not saying we should all resolve to follow all the traffic laws, but can we at least try to not kill one another. Sincerely, a bike rider who doesn’t want to die.  
6. Classmates: If you are one of those people that pushes into a classroom while there are 50 or more people trying to exit, stop. Everybody hates you and you are a horrible person.
7. Guys: If you text me after 10 PM I will automatically assume you are interested in me and commence stalking you on every type of social media. Don’t start this chain of events if you are not serious about our future together.

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