Why You Should Never Call A Woman Crazy19 January 2016
Throughout my life I've been in a lot of relationships. From some that only lasted a few weeks to others that spanned years. Having been dating since I was 13 years old, I feel as if I have a pretty good understanding of the opposite sex. While I'm not man whisperer and no one texts me good morning on a regular basis, I've shared enough experiences with boys and men to know what I expect in a relationship.
Despite all the men I've called a boyfriend in the past, my most recent love (or should I say heartbreak) was the most adult relationship I've ever had. And even though we were both in our twenties, the way we spoke to one another did not reflect that.
Calling a woman crazy is the most accepted form of insulting a woman today. The moment a woman shows a man too much attention, sends one too many texts or says one opinion too many she is suddenly labeled crazy, hysterical or psycho. The actions that led her to these emotions are never judged, she bears the burden of having feelings and is punished for expressing them.
For months I was called crazy, all so that my boyfriend at the time could feel okay with calling me a list of other things that make crazy feel like a compliment. Never mind I was acting crazy because I felt hurt, betrayed, and disrespected. I was the one acting crazy, therefore I was the one in the wrong.
It's common knowledge that women are more comfortable expressing their emotions, not all, but most. Guys have been socialized by society to hold it all in, suppress their feelings rather than be labeled weak. The problem with this is that once you enter into a relationship with someone so out of tune with their emotions, any sign of feelings is labeled an overreaction.
Calling a woman crazy does a lot of things, but most of all it silences her. As she continues to try to prove her point, explain her feelings or express her frustrations, she is only digging herself into the whole she's been pushed into. The moment you are labeled crazy is the moment everything that comes out of your mouth is irrelevant. Crazy people don't make valid arguments. Crazy people don't have a clear perspective of the situation. Therefore calling a woman crazy leads her down a path where no matter what she says, she's wrong and you're right. She's out of control and you're an angel for putting up with it all.
As I write this I'm remembering I fight I had with my former boyfriend a few weeks ago. It was prefaced by a long day at the office followed by an equally long night at the bar. I should note it was most likely a Tuesday, which is what led to me suggesting we head home before it turned into Wednesday. Something I said was taken the wrong way and next thing I knew I had been roped into another one of our pointless arguments. In the midst of my crying and trying to convince the man across from me that I didn't mean anything by what I had said, he turned to me and flat out asked me if I was bipolar.
This coming from a man who has no experience in the mental health field. Asking me, a woman getting a masters in clinical mental health if I was bipolar felt like a slap across the face. Me, bipolar? No. I was simply angry that once again the situation had gotten larger than the both of us, and like always, he was unwilling to see it from my perspective.
Calling a woman crazy is the most acceptable way to patronize the woman you love. Or even worse, one who simply is trying to get to know you better. Women are silenced every day by the fear of not wanting to seem out of control, and we are constantly reminded of the consequences we will face if we speak out of line.
I may not be able to change the way we all relate to one another during difficult moments in our life, but as a single woman in her twenties I can control the way in which I allow others to speak to me. Starting today I make a vow to say whatever the hell I want, regardless of how crazy it may seem to other person. I refuse to apologize for having emotional reactions. I cant wind back time and tell my former boyfriend that I wasn't acting crazy, I was simply trying to understand a situation. I cant make him understand how the threat of his words silenced me so many nights. What I can do, along with everyone reading this, is speak my mind regardless of how it will be perceived. As a woman I unconsciously shrink myself in so many ways, the least I can expect is someone to respect my feelings enough to not label them foolish.
Have you ever been labeled crazy by current or former boyfriend? How do you cope with sometimes not being able to prove your point without being labeled as out of control?