5 Guys I Will Never Date Again (Like Ever)

For the twenty three years I've been on this earth I've dated for ten. That's a decade of first kisses, running to pick up my landline before my mom had the chance and falling out of love with boys who I once would have split a pizza with. I started dating when I was thirteen years old, and now ten years later, I'm not sure if I'm any better at it.

Every relationship did teach me a little about the game of love, and even more about what I'm looking for in a person. My last relationship was the most eye opening though, which is funny since near the end of it I couldn't stand to look at him. But I digress.

My nights in the city have changed drastically over the past few months, from nights at the same bars with the same "friends" to a new group of people each week, new venues to dance in and memories to capture. All so that the boys of my past can search my name and see just how much I've changed my life for the better since our time together.

A few nights ago I was chatting with a boy while simultaneously watching an episode of Frasier, my ultimate guilty pleasure. What I thought was a text alert from the boy was actually a Facebook notification, which was odd since it was close to midnight on my side of the world. And true to my initial instinct it was from a boy, but not the one I had been exchanging witty banter with for the past two hours. It was from my most recent ex.

Related Post: 100 Things to Do Instead of Calling Your Ex Boyfriend

Most likely in his late night drunkenness he had decided to do what every regretful ex does, Facebook stalk me. Except this boy is different from the rest, he craves attention. His not so subtle liking of old posts of mine is nothing new, but up until this point he's kept his antics on Instagram. I suppose his girlfriend being out of town gave him the opportunity to check up on me, and somewhere in the process he thought it would be a good idea to like a two year old photo. Idiot.

This late night interruption led me to start thinking about the boys I would never reconsider dating again, with this particular lad at the top of my list. Next thing I knew I had an entire list, but for everyone's sake I narrowed it down to five. Cause all are exes can't be bad, right? I'm still doing the research on this.

Related Post: How to Deal with Exes on Social Media

The guy with no job.

Being a recent college graduate, I understand the struggle to find your first job after graduation. What I don't understand is looking down on jobs when you are in the position of not having one. After spending way too much time trying to support a man in trying to kick start his career, I made the decision to only date those who have life together enough to have somewhere to be in the morning and not have their rent paid by their parents.

The guy who is stuck in his college party phase.

Going out in your twenties is borderline expected of you, but going on a Tuesday night? Not so much. While happy hours and trivia nights are totally acceptable, shots on the regular during the week are not. If I ever find myself dating a man who can't not go out on a Friday night, I will definitely find my own way to the nearest exit.

The guy who is too clingy.

Texts and calls on a regular basis are cute and show that you're on their mind, knocks on your door at 3am are scary and not to be tolerated. After dating a guy who would literally freak out when I would tell him I had to go to bed, I knew what it meant to be in a possessive relationship. Luckily I quickly put 3,000 miles between us, but I pray whoever he ends up with is strong enough to not put up with his clingy bullshit.

The guy with commitment issues.

Ever dated a guy who had been single for so long cause he couldn't find the right one? You're not special honey, he just wanted to taste all the fish in the sea. (That came out a lot dirtier than I wanted it too.) When you finally do define the relationship with this type you'll spend the rest of your time worrying if he's planning his big escape. Save yourself the energy and date someone who isn't always wondering what else is out there.

The guy still hung up on his ex.

Is there anything harder than sitting across from your boyfriend and wondering what he's looking at on his phone? Dating a man who still thinks about the time he spent with his ex isn't only unhealthy for the relationship, it's unhealthy for your mental state. Number one rule to dating a guy is to make sure they aren't still holding on to what used to be. Unless you are like me and enjoy chuckling at your ex's ex accidentally liking your Instagram photos. Yeah, you read that right.

What did you last relationship teach you about what you want in a significant other? Spill the details in the comments below!


  1. But why *notify* that person you're stalking their social media? I'm pretty sure it's rule numero uno. Stay in Stealth Mode.

  2. I've dated some #5's in my day, and I've finally learned my lesson: get out quick.

  3. My last ex was definitely stuck in college party mode and a commitment-phobe. Cue eye roll.