Making Friends as an Adult

This past weekend one of my closest friends visited Washington DC for the first time. As a person who actually helped me with the process of applying to intern in DC and after became the friend I called on (literally) during all my tough days in the city, having her visit meant a lot to me. We spent four days exploring all the city has to offer, from monuments I've seen a dozen times to restaurants I've always walked past but never visited. It was the most fun I've had all year, then it ended.

My friend had to fly back home and I returned to my life of responsibilities and boring but necessary tasks. Nothing changed from the time she spent at my apartment to the time she entered her car to the airport except for the fact that I was back to having no one in the city that really knew me. This is what adulthood looks like, crazy that we all spent our childhoods wishing we could grow up already.


Making friends as an adult is hard. By adult I mean anyone who is not attending college and is over the age of 21. You need at least three to four years to realize which of your high school friends will remain lifelong friends. Once you hit the milestone of living on your own, outside of a campus setting with a full time job taking up all your time, you realize that your social circle feels grows small quickly.

Moving to the city was a major accomplishment in my life, with my entire college career leading towards where I am today. With roommates and boyfriend my first year in DC, things were relatively easy. Then my roommates all moved out of state and my boyfriend dumped me, that's when reality hit me straight in the face.

Related Post: 10 Lessons You Lean Living Alone in Your Twenties

Hollywood glamorizes what it's like to go through our twenties, with best friends sitting directly next to us at the office and nights spent under bright lights and loud music. Real life is a lot more like how I spent my Easter Sunday. In bed, with an extra large pizza, watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion, Part 2. Alone.

I'm not complaining,I had a damn good time hearing Phaedra call out Kandi for being a bad friend, but I'd be lying if I didn't wish I had a girl fiend to split that pizza with. But you can't always get what you want, like a chic apartment in the city with a roommate to share all your adventures with.

Life isn't all too bad lately, I've quickly jumped out of my January slump and found myself a group of people who don't make me want to go home before the night has even started. Making friends isn't as easy as it used to be, but it also isn't impossible. Coming up on the blog will be a handful of ways to socialize without the awkwardness that comes with meeting new people. Until then, I could always use some advice of how you manage to get through your twenties with a group of friends you wouldn't mind sharing a pizza and tv marathon with.



What do you struggle with most when it comes to making new friends? Leave me a comment so I know what I should focus on in my upcoming post!



P.S. Are you a twenty something that isn't sure if you're living the dream or just surviving it? Click here to learn more on how you can connect with other twenty somethings on Instagram who know the struggle of trying to figure out how to adult while also eating popcorn for dinner one night a week.


14 comments

  1. Have you tried Bumble BFF yet, its probably my l time favorite app RN.

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    1. Nooooo, I thought that was just a dating app! Definitely gonna check it out asap

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  2. Right now the hardest part of making new friends is living in a new city and having a long commute to work everyday. Once the weekend comes around I don't want to go anywhere far. Plus the people at my new job don't talk much (communication happens through gchat even when the person sits right next to you) so getting to know my coworkers is a little difficult too.

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    1. Literally my life! My commute exhausts me even more after a long day at work so I'm just looking for a bestie to watch Bravo with on a Friday night, and maybe go out Saturday if we're not too full from brunch :)

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  3. Omg I TOTALLY feel you. It's so much harder to make friends as an adult! I'm really struggling as a twenty-something with a long-time boyfriend- we seem to only hang out with each other!

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    1. I was definitely that way when I was with my last boyfriend, and while I don't think there's anything wrong with it, it definitely sucks if the relationship doesn't work out and you have to start everything from scratch.

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  4. I turn 30 this year, and most of the people I meet around my age have pets and/or kids so a spontaneous, "hey, do you want to get a bite to eat after work?" is often met with "sorry, I have to let the dog out/pick up my kids" etc. I know I could ask in advance, but that feels too much like asking out a date, I mean, what if they say no!?! It would be like middle school all over again.

    Speaking of asking people out, I'm also never sure how to ask dudes to hang out without things getting potentially misinterpreted or just kind of awkward in you have to clarify. If we're friends already it's not a problem, but that initial transition from work acquaintances to friends is probably best done in a group, which goes back to the first problem of everyone being busy with dogs and kids.

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    1. A girl asked me to pizza once and it totally felt like a date, but in a good way. Does that sound weird? I say go for it, you probably will both be pumped without the pressure of having to shave your legs. As for guys, I have a weird thing of only dating guys I know. I dont think Ive ever dated a random guy (at least not yet), but the in between stage is a bit strange

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  5. I live and work in the same place and even though my coworkers and friends all live right down the hall, I still find it challenging to build strong adult friendships.

    I struggle with overcoming my introversion for long enough to get out there and have fun. Once I'm out, I have a great time. But it's easy to just do my solo tasks that make me happy.

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    1. I am so guilty of wanting to do certain things alone, no matter if a friend or significant other is available. I recommend maybe joining a club, cause at least there's something easy to talk about and there's no immediate pressure to talk to ONE person

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  6. It's SO much harder to make friends as an adult, especially when you have so many things going on already!

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  7. Dear Rubi, I think your posts are awesome. I am 20+ and sometimes I feel adult. SOmetimes I feel like "teen". And trying figure out all things connected with this age...you have to learn that some things are not dissaster and that you are still young and you should still enjoy some - single walks. Maybe we can feel some pressure by society and it doesnt matter if you are 20+ from US or from Europe. And about friends? I think meeting new people as adult is awesome because every has some experiences and it can brings you a lot!

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  8. And I really agree with your words - living a dream X I am surviving :) I think this is all what is the ages are about.

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  9. Thanks for sharing this! I thought I'm the only one who finds it so hard to make friends as an adult. My two best friends live far away and I have only two friends in the city I live in (including my boyfriend). I often miss the days when I saw my friends every day at school or college and I always dreamed of having a grown up friends group like in Friends or How I Met Your Mother. But real life isn't like a tv show and I'm grateful for the few friends I have.

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