Dealing with Rejection From Female Friends in Your Twenties

This is such a weird post to write, but I think it's a topic a lot of twenty something women deal with but don't talk about. Maybe guys deal with it to, but I sincerely believe making and maintaining female friendships is a lot harder than keeping male ones. I mean, there has to be a reason why all my longtime friends are mostly males.

Here's the back story to how this all came into my mind. It's Sunday night and I'm scrolling through my Facebook. I'm not looking for anything specific, just waiting for my boyfriend to finish getting ready for bed so I can shut off the lights. While I'm scrolling I see that one of my Facebook friends uploaded a bunch of pictures, most of them of her and another mutual friend of mine.

When I use the word friend, I don't mean it in the way I refer to it usually. Sure her and I have had some good times, but we're more friends on the surface. Both the friend who uploaded the photos and the other friend featured in the photos. Is this still making sense? Neither are my best friends, but we have all spent time together and individually.

What made it so hard to look at the photos was this, I met them both first, and eventually introduced them to one another. You see, I run a women's group for millennial women in Washington DC. This means I host events for women in the city, typically to help other women meet each other and form connections in a city where it feels like no one is here for long. My reason for starting this group was simple, I needed some damn friends!

In my time running this group, I learned that just because you get along with someone doesn't mean they have to be your friend, as well as that you can be totally into a person while they want nothing to do with you. I think the reason there are so many women's groups in DC is because it's so fucking hard to make friends in DC!

Related Post: Why I Deleted Half of my Facebook Friends (+Why You Don't Need So Many)

Take my situation for example. I met both of these women, introduced them to each other, and somehow I consistently the one that never gets an invite. I don't think either of them dislikes me, but for whatever reason, when planning outings and events, my name doesn't come into their mind.

Is this that big of a deal? Well, no, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck. I'm sure I'm guilty of this as well, as I can say with all honestly I prefer some of my friends over others, depending on what our plans are. But whether I'm guilty of not, I still have that sucky feeling in my gut while I scroll through photos of them kayaking or at rooftop bars, because a small piece of me wonders why I go through all the work to help women make friends, then end up without an invite.

Making friends in your twenties is hard, but keeping those friends as you grow into an adult is harder. Let's talk about the battle to have a female squad and what it means to have authentic friendships.
Dealing with rejection from other women in your twenties is tough, especially with popular media pushing the idea on you about girl gangs, being a strong woman all on your own, all while existing in the years where you are pushed to find a partner to spend you life with. So which is it, be a strong independent woman or pair up?

I don't fully have an answer, cause just like you, I scroll through Instagram wondering why I wasn't invited to the party. What I can say is that moments like these make me appreciate even more the friends I do have. Like the ones I can talk to after months of no communication, the ones I speak to only through memes, and the few that know how important it is to me that I get the perfect photo for Instagram.

If you're a twenty something woman struggling to make and keep friends, I feel ya girl. My best advice is to put yourself out there, as awkward as it feels. There's so many out there that feel the same way you do, but don't forget to tell your current friends how much they mean to you along the way.

Related Post: How to Deal with Negative People in Your Life

I guess a similar post could be written about blogging friends, and how everyone has somehow paired up these days like we're at a middle school dance. After blogging for years I still don't have a blogging bestie, but I'm not sure how to go about fixing that problem.

Let me know your thoughts about friendships in your twenties in the comments below! And if you're a blogger, do you think this all applies to the blogging world as well?


  1. I dealt with this for a while. My two BEST friends constantly were hanging out together, and not inviting me. It was weird because we did everything together, and somehow that all stopped. I tried to confront them about it but that didn't go well. I eventually moved away (from NY to VA) so it really isn't something I need to deal with anymore.

  2. I'm in my 30s, but I still relate to this post so much! Making friends is so hard and it always hurts to see your 'friends' doing things without you. My best friend since I was a little girl, and who was the maid of honor in my wedding got married recently and I wasn't invited. That hurt a lot.